Drowning
by Witch0fTime
Summary: Sollux just wanted to die. That was all. But somehow, Eridan couldn't let him do that. Rated M just in case because I don't want to offend anyone...
1. Chapter 1

Sollux Captor peered down the side of the cliff. The ocean, a dirty teal, foamed beneath him. It was almost comical how it futilely threw itself against the rock, as if it were trying to kill itself only to discover that the rocks could not harm it. The wind, harsh and howling, brought the smell of salt and ancient, buried memories of happiness. He closed his eyes, fighting back tears, his depression rising up around him, drowning him. How many times had he stood in this very spot? How many times, with her hand in his and her hair blowing against his face?

He clenched his hands into fists. She would have laughed, pushing him over onto his back and trapping him against the grass. He always pretended to try to escape, but really there was nowhere else he would rather be. They would lay there like that for hours, her arm across his chest, staring at the clouds. They would almost always be large, white, puffy, perfect, and the gulls would bob and weave in between them, calling out abrasively to each other. He looked up. The clouds were an angry, thin mass spread angrily across the sky, turning the blue of the sky to a dull, horrible grey. The few seagulls that remained circled apprehensively, searching for shelter from the oncoming storm.

Lacking the will to stand, he fell unceremoniously to the ground. Dangerously close to the edge, Sollux instinctively cringed away. She would have laughed at his fear. It wasn't his fault that he was afraid of heights, but it was a sore topic with her. She loved being in high places, feeling the wind. She was always begging him to go higher, and she would look at him and his heart would melt. Cold and uncomfortable he may have been, but she was there, and that was all that mattered.

The first tentative droplets of rain fell from the sky. His hand curled around a rock. With every ounce of strength he could muster, he threw it out to ocean swallowed it unsympathetically, and it was like the rock had never existed. He smiled bitterly, wishing that he could as easily throw away his pain. But getting rid of his sorrow would be a lot more complicated.

He looked over the edge. The rocky beach below was almost lost in the roiling ocean. It seemed as though all the ocean knew how to do today was mercilessly devour. A thought, sudden and deep and seductive, beckoned him. He tried to banish it, but it would not be dismissed. Slowly, with the clumsiness of his long limbs, he stood again. "Come on, it'll be eathy," he whispered to himself. He took a tentative step forward, then another. He could feel the edge of the cliff, and his fears screamed at him to run. Burying them deep inside himself, he leaned forward. The wind rushed past him, and he was falling.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing he felt was confusion. _Where am I? Why am I still alive?_ He was warm, and could faintly feel something on top of him. He decided he must be in a bed, probably in the hospital. Anger quickly followed. _Am I seriously so much of a failure that I can't even commit suicide right?_ And then, lurking in the shadows, the pain of memory._ I'm so sorry. I meant to die. I really did._ Her face burned on the backs of his eyelids, and he quickly opened them.

The ceiling above him was a dull, faded pinkish-purple. Out of the corners of his eyes, he could see that the walls were the same color, though much of them was covered by posters of metal bands. Everything seemed slightly blurred, and he realized with a start that he wasn't wearing his glasses. Sollux tried to sit up to find them. Pain ripped up and down his body, and something ripped off of his back, leaving him so incapacitated he couldn't even scream. When it finally subsided, he frantically took stock of how much mobility he had.

_Shit. I can only move my fingers._

As he moved around more, being ever careful not to send himself into any more pain, he noticed something that felt sticky and thin pressed against his skin in various places. He tentatively examined a patch that was on his bare stomach with gentle fingers. _Is this...gauze?_ He knew this material. It was the kind of substandard medical gauze you might find in a cheap first-aid kit._ I wonder how bad I'm hurt?_ Agonizingly slowly, he lifted back the blankets, and tried to remove the gauze. An intense, more acute pain attacked him, causing him to inhale sharply. _It must be stuck to me somehow...oh god, is that dried blood?_ As he inspected the small red flakes on the tips of his fingers, he felt something wet drip down his side. The thought of the fresh blood that must be flowing through the gauze made him sick. Spots danced in his vision.

Footsteps echoed outside. "Can't you just give me one fuckin' second?" someone called, annoyance hanging from their words. Sollux tried desperately to hide, or at least look in the direction of the door, but every movement rewarded him with incredible amounts of pain.

The door clicked open. Sollux went deathly still.

There was a tentative cough. "Hi. Um, are you awake now?" The voice definitely belonged to a boy, probably about his age. But whoever it was, he was just outside Sollux's limited, warped field of vision, and all he could see was a shock of purple in the midst of a more normal, black color. Sollux decided that must be his hair.

The boy stepped closer, but was still infuriatingly outside Sollux's view. "Well, I'm guessing that's a 'no'." He sighed, and the hair disappeared from view. The sudden movement was accompanied by the sound of someone half-falling into a chair.

"I wonder if you can hear me. People say that when someone's in a coma, they can still hear what's bein' said." The boy paused. "Well, even if you can hear me, I don't have anythin' interestin' to say. Just...don't die, I guess." The chair creaked slightly as the boy stood up.

In that moment, Sollux made a decision based on two wild thoughts. One was that he didn't want to be left alone again. The other was harder to exactly pinpoint, but the vague idea of someone that talked to him without the pity that had come with everything for the last two weeks. Sollux opened his mouth, ignoring the pain that exploded underneath his left ear, and tried to say, "Wait." The air ripped at his raw throat, and the word became garbled beyond recognition, but it was enough. The receding footsteps stopped, and there was a moment of silence.

"Did you...did you say somethin'?" The boy stepped closer, and for the first time Sollux could see his face. From what he could tell, the boy was wearing glasses, but beyond that his poor eyesight hid the boy's face.

Sollux tried again. Making a deliberate effort to keep this word intelligible, and again ignoring the pain the speech caused him, he croaked, "Yeth."

The boy looked shell-shocked. He stood there for an indefinite amount of time before his face changed slightly around the mouth and he ran for the door. His footsteps thundered away from Sollux's room.

"Fef! Fef, he's awake! He's talkin'! Fef, you have to come up here! Yes now, this is important! He's awake!" His footsteps were joined by another's, and then they were coming back toward him. The door slammed against the wall, and he cringed. Tears sprung to his eyes at the movement, and small black dots filled his vision.

A girl's voice spoke, high-pitched and bubbly. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to slam the door!" A girl, a smidge shorter than the boy was, burst into view. She was a wild blur of pink, sea green, light blue, and long, wild black hair. Just behind her was a smudge of light purple and dark blue.

Her hands reached out for him, but then she seemed to think better of it. "I'm going to touch your forehead, if that's alright. I need to check your temperature."

Sollux slowly breathed in and spoke as quietly as possible in an attempt to reduce the pain in his throat. "Ok."

The girl, Fef, seemed to understand him, and her fingers brushed against his forehead. They were cold, and he realized that his forehead must be scalding. Sollux sighed with pleasure.

Fef frowned, and turned to the other boy. "He's burning up. Would you run get a wet washcloth?" The purple smudge nodded and left.

Fef turned back to Sollux. "Is there anything else I can get you?"

Sollux tried to form the word he wanted, but his aching body refused and the air wouldn't come. His lips moved uselessly.

"What?" Fef leaned in closer to hear.

Sollux finally choked out the word. "Wa...ter?"

"Oh! Of course, why didn't I think of that?" Fef smacked her hand against her forehead as she walked away, her outline becoming less and less distinct by the second. Just as she was about to leave, the boy came running in. He almost knocked her over, but she danced out of the way. "Hey, watch it!"

"Sorry." Fef sighed, shaking her head as she walked out of the room.

The boy turned to Sollux again. One hand was behind his head awkwardly, the other holding a dripping washcloth. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed again uselessly. Seeming to come to a decision, he took a few determined steps forward and pressed the cloth to Sollux's forehead. The cold water felt nice, and Sollux moaned in satisfaction.

"That feels good, then?" The boy seemed relieved. At that moment, Fef came back in with a cup of water. The boy jerked his hand back, leaving the cloth on Sollux's forehead. Fef didn't notice.

"Can you sit up? So you can drink the water?" Sollux didn't respond. "Ok...I'm going to help you. This might hurt, and I'm really, really sorry in advance." She placed the cup on a table next to the bed. As carefully as she possibly could, she put one hand under his back, the other lightly gripping his shoulder. Even the slight pressure hurt, but Sollux tried not to show it. Fef turned to the other boy. "Well don't just stand their uselessly! Help me get him up!" The boy seemed to snap out of a daze, running around to the other side of Sollux. He awkwardly copied Fef's grip.

"On three. One, two, three."

They both pulled him up so that he leaned against the wall behind the headboard. Pain flared up uncompromisingly around his now bent waist and his arms as his stiff joints were forced to bend and gauze ripped away from his skin, and a horrible scream escaped his lips. The boy and Fef stepped back instinctively. "I'm so, so sorry," Fef said again.

Sollux ignored her, and as the pain faded his eyes strayed to the cup. "Oh!" She seemed to have forgotten. Fef picked up the cup with one hand, her other slipping inside her pocket. Sollux followed it mutely as it produced two small white smudges. "Now, I don't know what sort of condition your throat is in, and if these hurt to swallow I'm sorry, but I want you to try and take them. You are obviously in a lot of pain, and I won't take no for an answer." Her hand snaked up toward Sollux's mouth. Instinctively, he tried to back away, and more pain drowned his senses. He felt the two pills forced between his lips.

_Sollux, you have to take them! I know you hate pills, but the doctor said you should. Plus, I can't stand seeing you in so much pain. You broke your wrist, for heaven's sake! Stop being so stubborn! Just take them? Please? For me?_ Aradia's playful, earnest whisper from years past echoed in his mind. He closed his eyes, losing his will to resist as Fef put the cup to his lips and made him drink. The pills slithered down his throat traitorously, but the water felt wonderful on his ragged throat. Before he had had enough, she pulled away. He whimpered brokenly.

"I can't give you too much at a time. You'll just end up puking. But those painkillers should kick in any minute." She paused, and Sollux looked at her accusingly. "I'm sorry! I really am. It's just..." She sighed in defeat and gave him a little more water. All the while, the boy stood uselessly behind her, looking as if he wanted to help but not sure what to do. She turned around and handed the cup to the boy.

"I have to go to that dumb meeting. I want you to stay here with...um." She paused. "What's your name?"

"My name ith Thollucth." His voice came out as a thin, ratchety whisper.

"Ok. I want you to stay here with Thollucth until I get back."

The boy fought a smile. "Sis, I think he has a lisp. I think his name is Sollux."

Fef's cheeks flushed bright red. "Oh," she said lamely. "Sorry." She turned to leave. "Make sure you take good care of him while I'm gone," she called over her shoulder, "and if he's dead when I get back, I'm going to murder you!" Her footsteps faded away, and from somewhere farther in the house a door slammed shut.

The boy stood silently for a minute, stepping forward tentatively to place the cup on a table near the bed before quickly stepping back. "So...Sollux. Do you...need anythin'?" He shifted uncomfortably.

"Confirmation." Sollux tried to keep his voice quiet to avoid unnecessary strain.

The boy seemed taken aback. "Of what?" he said, his head tilted a bit in confusion.

"Trust." Sollux was seized in a coughing fit. It ripped through his whole body, leaving him breathless and weak. The boy reached out a hand, then seemed to realize what he was doing and bring it firmly back to his side.

"You want to know if you can trust us? After we rescued you from the ocean?" His features had a vague, blurred look of disbelief about them.

"Yes," Sollux replied simply.

The boy crossed his arms. "Well you don't have much of a choice. You can't move. And also, if we wanted to kill you or somethin', why would we have rescued you? If we wanted money from you, wouldn't we have taken it from you and left you on the beach to die?"

Sollux could feel his argument slipping. "Plot?"

The boy laughed harshly. "You think we have some sort of master plot? You must really have a high and mighty self image. Can't you see we're trying to help you?"

Grasping at straws, Sollux thought of one last tack. "Pills."

"You think we're poisoning you? Open your eyes, you idiot! We brought you into our house, cleaned the blood off of you, and then gave you water. I'm sittin' here askin' if you need anythin'. Is that the kind of care someone shows the person they're tryin' to kill?"

"Maybe."

"I can't believe you!" The boy threw his hands up in defeat and walked away, the door slamming behind him.

Sollux sighed. Smooth. _Really smooth, Captor. You just pissed off the one person who's gonna help you. Way to go._ He sat in silent disapproval of himself. He tried to convince himself that it was the natural reaction, but somehow all of his arguments seemed hollow. His guilt pressed inward, threatening to suffocate him, bring him down into it and drown him.

The door creaked open again. Sollux could practically feel the anger radiating into the room. The boy took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so angry. I guess I can understand why you'd be suspicious, wakin' up somewhere strange and the first thing we try to do is force feed you pills. I shouldn't have...look, I'm just sorry, ok?" As he talked, the anger leached out of his voice, dissolving into the air.

"Th'okay," Sollux muttered, hating the gravelly sound of his voice.

"So I guess...I owe you one now. Is there anythin' you want?"

Sollux thought for a minute. _You can't trust him_, part of his mind whispered. _Shut up_, the other retorted. He had a point. _He's already let me live this long, so he's probably not gonna kill me now_. Still, he wasn't quite convinced.

"How bad am I?" Each word was an uphill battle, and Sollux longed for the comfort of another drink of water.

"You mean how injured are you? Well..." The boy frowned. "Fef has a friend in med school, and she didn't seem to think you broke any bones, though she's not sure whether some of your ribs are cracked...or maybe your collarbone. She says you're really lucky. You probably hit the water pretty cleanly, straight in or close to it. But...well, the waves were crazy, and so you got bashed against the rocks. Pretty badly. You also inhaled a lot of water...and by the time you washed up on that little beach down there, you had lost a lot of blood. So you're really badly bruised and weak, but you should recover pretty quickly." The boy paused. "Is there anythin' else?" he said slowly. Sollux's eyes drifted to the glass. The boy licked his lips nervously before helping Sollux drink a bit more. Sollux closed his eyes in ecstasy.

When the glass was taken away, he opened his eyes again and at last being unable to see proved to be too annoying. As much as Sollux hated having to show weakness to a stranger, he couldn't live blind. "I can't thee," he confessed. His words still sounded rough, but it hurt less to talk. "I think my glatheth mutht have fallen off when I..." he trailed off, misery drowning out his intention to speak.

"Oh. Oh!" The boy took off his glasses, placing them gently on Sollux's face. "Is this sort of the right prescription?" Sollux's vision improved a bit, but his depth perception was off.

"I think it'th a little thtrong."

"Oh, good. One sec, I'll get my old ones." The boy stood up to leave.

"Wait." Sollux cleared his throat painfully. "What'th your name? I can't jutht call you 'hey you'."

The awkwardness returned to the boy's features. "Oh, sorry. I probably should have introduced myself before. My name's Eridan." Before the conversation could become more awkward, Eridan continued, "I'm goin' to get those glasses for you," and left, the door slowly drifting closed behind him.

Sollux allowed himself a small smile. Eridan's unease was incredibly comical. It reminded him of the way he had acted when he had first met her.

Before he was fully conscious of even thinking of her, his thoughts swerved instinctively away. But even the swiftness of his mind couldn't stop the depression. He closed his eyes.

The door creaked as Eridan reentered the room. "Here, let's see if these'll work." Sollux's eyes snapped open, and embarrassment clutched at him as a single tear rolled down his cheek. He wished desperately that he could wipe the tear away, but he was powerless to do so. Eridan noticed the trail of water on Sollux's cheek, and his face changed to portray pity, but he didn't say anything. He clumsily placed the glasses on Sollux, then grabbed the chair from the other side of the room and brought it next to the bed.

"Is this prescription better?" he asked, tactfully averting his eyes from Sollux.

"Yeah." Sollux's voice was choked, partially from the soreness and partially because of his lapse into sadness. "It'th not perfect, but it'll work." There was a long pause, and Sollux took the opportunity to take in Eridan now that he was actually visible.

He was slight of build, and Sollux predicted Eridan would be just a bit shorter than him. His hair was a darkish brown save for a stripe of mild purple running back through the center of it. He wore large-framed glasses, and a light-purple-and-blue-striped scarf draped its lazy way around his shoulders. A faded blue shirt and purple jacket hung slightly loosely on his thin frame, a contrast to his comparatively tight jeans. His hands hung by his sides, fingers just slightly jittery as if he were more used to them doing something besides nothing.

Finally, Eridan spoke, breaking the moment of silence. "Do you wanna...talk about it?" He didn't specify, but Sollux knew what he meant.

"No."

Eridan nodded. "Ok." Another pause. "Do you want some more water?" Sollux nodded almost imperceptibly, instantly wishing he hadn't. He grimaced.

Eridan gave him a sip of water. "You really fell a long ways, didn't you?" Sollux didn't respond. "And you must have hit those rocks pretty hard. I mean, judgin' from how much pain you feel just from such small movements..." Eridan trailed off again. The question that he didn't ask was obvious on his face. Why?

Sollux changed the subject. "Where am I?"

Eridan seemed relieved. "Oh, this is where Fef and I live. It's on 37th Street. By the park. You know, just a few blocks away from..." Eridan coughed. "You can see it out the window. The park, I mean." He smiled shyly. "It's really beautiful."

"What day ith it? I mean, have I been unconciouth long?"

"No. I found you in the...I found you yesterday." The discomfort returned.

The silence was broken by a low grumbling. Despite his dejection, Sollux fought not to laugh. "I gueth that meanth I'm hungry. What time ith it?"

Eridan stood up. "It's around seven. At night." He paused. "Um...is there anythin' specific you want to eat?"

Sollux almost shook his head, then remembered at the last second. "No. Thomething thoft. My throat hurth pretty badly." Eridan nodded sagely.

"You did inhale a lot of salt water. How about soup?"

"Thoundth good. More than good..." The thought of something, anything to eat made Sollux's mouth water.

Eridan smiled. "I'll be back soon." This time, he left the door open as he walked away.

Sollux sighed. In his first moments of consciousness, he had been incredibly angry that his suicide had failed. But now, having had Eridan and Fef take care of him, a complete stranger, he wondered whether it was such a bad thing he had survived after all. Maybe there was still something in the world for him. He let his gaze wander, contemplating everything and nothing all at once.

Eridan reappeared shortly with a tupperware of chicken noodle soup and a spoon. He set the container down on the table next to the water. The soup smelled warm and salty. Sollux found himself reliving the last time he had smelled salt. The wind. The long fall. The blackness. His brow creased as he tried not to fall into the great amorphous pit of memory threatening to drown out his new optimism.

"It's really hot. I figure we should let it cool down for a few minutes before you eat it."

Sollux blinked, forcibly banishing the memories. "Yeah. I don't want my mouth in any more pain than it hath to be." He smiled wearily.

"So...where are you from? I mean, if you're comfortable tellin' me."

Sollux hesitated. "If we're thtill in Alternia, then here. I live in an apartment on the north thide of town with my g–" Sollux stopped himself just a moment too late. _Not anymore_, a cold voice in the back of his mind whispered.

"Oh." Sollux could tell Eridan knew what he had been about to say. Eridan kept going. "Are you in college?"

Sollux took a deep breath, burying her in the back of his mind again. "Yeah, I wath. I majored in computer programming latht year."

Eridan smiled. "Really? I could never do somethin' that technical. I majored in art. Drawin' and stuff."

"I tried that onthe. My hand ithn't thteady enough for that crap." Eridan laughed. "Did you go to that fanthy art college, then?"

"Yeah. And I'm guessin' you went to the college of technology."

"Yep. What about Fef? What'th her major?"

Eridan was still laughing. "No one calls her Fef except me. But I suppose you wouldn't know that. Her full name is Feferi, but I usually only call people by the first syllable of their name. It saves time."

"Oh. Thorry," Sollux muttered contritely.

Eridan waved his concern away. "You couldn't have known. She majored in business management. Always the practical one. You can't get a job as an artist." He shrugged. "Oh! The soup. I bet it's good now."

Eridan put the container in his lap and scooped a spoonful of the broth. Carefully, he raised the spoon to Sollux's mouth. The broth was perfect, salty and warm as he had hoped, and Sollux realized how hungry he was. He licked his lips.

"Is it good?"

"Perfect. More?" Eridan continued to feed him. In between mouthfuls, Sollux apologized. "Thorry I'm tho helpleth. I would feed mythelf if I could move."

"I'm sure you'll recover soon. In the meantime, Fef and I will take care of you. With some help from her friend if she ever has time to show up again."

"Thankth. What'th her friend'th name, by the way?"

"Well technically it's two friends, but they're always together so I tend to think of them as a single unit. Their names are Rose and Kanaya."

"Oh. I jutht wanted to know in cathe they do come back. It'll thave the introduction." Sollux paused, the real question on his mind surfacing insistently as it refused to be buried beneath the surface for any longer. "Why are you helping me? You don't know me at all, and you could have jutht thent me to the hothpital."

Eridan stopped, the spoon hovering in midair above the bowl. A few wayward drops of broth spilled over the edges of the spoon, rejoining with the soup in the bowl just the way the rock Sollux had thrown had disappeared into the roiling ocean. _Stop that_, Sollux chastised himself as Eridan spoke. "I don't know. It was just instinct. Fef and I both wordlessly agreed on it. I guess we should have brought you to the hospital. I mean, neither of us have the skills to heal you properly. But you seemed so hurt. Emotionally, I mean. I guess we didn't want to condemn you to the white walls and uncarin' doctors. We felt like you needed somethin' to heal you on the inside, too. Something you wouldn't find in a hospital, with its blankness and impersonal people. Do you think that was a mistake?"

"No." Sollux smiled. "Thankth. I don't want to be in a hothpital." _They would want to know why I did it_. Eridan's eyes flashed with understanding.

"You're welcome."

Time passed in silence until Eridan scooped up the last bit of broth. Sollux savored it, tasting it in its perfection before letting it slip down his throat.

"So now what? You must be exhausted. Do you want me to leave?"

Sollux tensed up. "No!" Eridan's eyes widened in surprise at Sollux's vehemence. "I don't want to be alone," he continued. "Jutht talk to me while I fall athleep. Pleathe?"

"Ok. What should I talk about?"

"Anything." Sollux closed his eyes.

"Well...how about a story? From when I was in college."

"Perfect."

"Which story should I tell? Oh, I have one. I remember once, on April Fools' Day, some friends of mine decided that we would have a sort of prankin' war. I started by lettin' some of the boys into my room in the middle of the night to help me set one up for my roommate. He was deathly afraid of spiders, something that his girlfriend teased him about non-stop. She was super into spiders for some reason...I'm still not sure why. Really, it was an obsession now that I think about it. What was her name...? Strange, I can't seem to remember. Anyway, we got a whole bunch of those little hard plastic spiders and just poured them all over his bed. One of the boys even shoved some down his shirt. I don't know how we didn't wake him up. And then, in the mornin'..." Eridan trailed off. Sollux was already fast asleep. He quietly took his glasses off Sollux's face, placing them gently on the table. Then he grabbed the spoon and empty soup container and left, shutting the door softly behind him.

Halfway through the night, Eridan was seated in the chair across the room, buried studiously in a higher-end sketchbook. His pencil flew lightly along the page, quickly capturing the edges of his desired subject. Every few moments his eyes would flick up to rest on Sollux's peaceful face, then dart back down to the page when he discovered nothing amiss. His previously jittery fingers were now deathly still save for absolutely necessary movements, directing the pencil painstakingly carefully into sweeping arcs and sharp angles.

Sollux moaned, startling Eridan from his trance-like state. Quicker than he thought possible, Eridan stood, his sketchbook and pencil falling unheeded to the floor, and rushed to kneel by the bed. Sollux was muttering something in his sleep, his face contorted into absolute regret and sadness. Eridan bit his lip, hesitating only for a moment before instinctively placing a hand on Sollux's forehead. It was dangerously hot, sweat beading in small lines across it, but as soon as Eridan's hand made contact, Sollux relaxed. His breathing evened out into the slower, steady pace it had been at earlier in the night, and he rolled over onto his side. Eridan smiled, sat in the chair once more, retrieved his pencil and paper, and resumed his sketch.


	3. Chapter 3

The sound of faint music floated through Sollux's head as he woke up. He slowly opened his eyes, remembering in a daze where he was. Eridan was gone. He looked around, careful not to move his head too much. Judging from the light coming in through the window, he decided that it was probably morning. The smell of something cooking wafted to him from elsewhere in the house. His throat felt amazingly better already. Carefully, he tested the limits of his voice. "Hello?" he whispered. That was fine. "Hello?" he said a little louder. Then, "Hello? Eridan? Feferi?" His voice cracked halfway through, but the pain was significantly less than it had been the night before.

Feferi poked her head in the door. "Good morning, Sollux! Did you sleep well? Oh, Eridan remembered to feed you last night, right? I have pancakes, if you want some. Just a moment." Before Sollux could answer any of her questions, she ducked back out of the room.

There was a soft patter of footsteps. Eridan appeared in the doorway. "Mornin'. Sleep well?" he inquired. His hair was slightly tousled, and Sollux couldn't help but smile as Eridan yawned.

"Yeah. And I feel much better, too."

"You prob'ly want your glasses now, huh?" Eridan started across the room towards the table.

"No, wait. I wonder if I could jutht..." Sollux slowly tensed his arm muscles one by one. They still hurt terribly, but he managed to maneuver his arm out of the blankets, clumsily grab the glasses, and situate them on his nose. "Ow," he muttered as he carefully placed his arm back underneath the blankets.

"Wow." Eridan seemed speechless. "You heal fast."

"Well, I didn't have any broken boneth. I gueth my body'th jutht really good at patchwork."

"Well that's lucky."

Feferi returned just then with a plate of pancakes in one hand and butter and maple syrup balanced precariously in the other hand. "I brought you five to start out with, but there's lots of extras if you want more. And don't feel like you need to eat them all. And I wasn't sure what you'd want on them. We have other stuff downstairs...jam...peanut butter...nutella...is there anything else you want with them? Oh, I have drinks too."

Sollux glanced down, embarrassed. "Well, there ith one thing I alwayth have with...pretty much everything."

"Well, speak now or forever hold your peace." She giggled.

"Ith kinda weird..."

"Come on. I won't laugh."

"Well...do you have any honey?"

"Of course! I'll be right back. Oh, do you want more water?" Sollux nodded. "Hey! You moved without cringing in pain! That's good!" She disappeared down the hall.

Eridan looked questioningly at Sollux, a hint of mirth in his eyes. "Honey?"

"Yeth, ED. Honey."

"ED?" The confusion on Eridan's face was comical.

"ED. I'm shortening your name to two letterth. It thaveth time." Eridan laughed, remembering their conversation from the night before. Sollux couldn't help but join in. Feferi came back with the honey and water.

"Did I miss something funny?"

They stifled their giggles as best as they could. "It's nothin'" Eridan managed.

She shook her head in exasperation. "Whatever. I have to go to work. Try not to burn the house down while I'm gone, ok?"

"I'll do my betht," Sollux answered sarcastically, "though how I would manage that from the confineth of the bed I can't imagine."

Feferi laughed. "See you two."

"Bye," Eridan called as she left. The music faded, punctuated by the slam of the door when it drifted just out of earshot. He turned to Sollux. "Do you want me to feed you now, or...?"

Sollux shook his head adamantly, silently pleased that the movement was so easy. "I want to try by mythelf. Jutht put the plate on my lap for me?"

"Sure. I'll put the honey on for you, too."

"Thankth." Slowly, Sollux disentangled his arms from the blankets. He clenched and unclenched his hands a few times, working his stiff muscles, then grabbed the fork and knife. With more effort than it should have taken, he cut a small slice out of one of the pancakes and brought it to his mouth. Every movement caused agony to course through his body, but he was just ecstatic that he could manage to get through the pain. He chewed and swallowed, face beaming. Eridan was watching him, dumbfounded.

"What?"

"I just can't believe how quickly you're healing."

"I've alwayth healed quickly."

"Well, I didn't know that." Sollux kept eating. "So I guess Kan and Rose really were right. I wasn't so sure, but a broken arm or somethin' wouldn't heal this quickly."

"Yeah..." Sollux's eyes became slightly unfocused as an unexpected gauze of depression invisibly slipped over him and he was swept back into the riptide of his memories.

Eridan bit his lower lip in mild discomfort and didn't continue. Sollux ate in silence for a few minutes.

At last the question that had been on Eridan's mind became too much to hide. "What was her name?"

Sollux was taken aback. "What?"

"Your girlfriend."

"Oh." Sollux put the knife and fork down, the light metallic clink lost in the roaring in his ears. "Aradia."

"That's a beautiful name."

"I know." He could feel his sadness flowing back, crashing over his carefully constructed dam and threatening to drown him once more. His eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, it'th good. I should probably talk about it. That'th how people get over thith kind of thing, right?" Sollux's voice was choked, a few tears flowing down his face. The tears landed on his plate, and Eridan gently took it and set it on the side table.

"What happened? Did she break up with you?"

"She'th dead." Those two words were more than Sollux could handle. He no longer even tried to hold in his tears, body shaking painfully as he wept. Eridan, unsure of what else to do, placed a hand on Sollux's shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Sollux didn't respond. "I know what it's like, sorta. My parents died when I was pretty young. It's hard." Sollux nodded mutely. Eridan waited for his tears to diminish a bit.

"How long had you two been together?"

"A little over five yearth." Sollux raised both arms, hugging them close to his body. "She wath my betht friend."

"I'm so sorry."

"I wath earning the money to buy a ring. Tho I could propothe." Sollux bit his lip, trying anything to keep from losing it. "I gueth it wathn't meant to be."

"Do you want to talk about somethin' else?"

"No. I think it'th helping to talk about it."

"Ok. Um, how did she...die?"

"The wath walking home, and got hit. By a car. The driver didn't even thtick around to take the blame." Anger filled his voice. "He left her bleeding to death in the middle of the road for two hourth before thomeone found her. By the time they got to the hothpital, she wath already dead."

"I...I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to thay anything."

"When did this happen?"

"A week ago. I couldn't take it. I tried to get through it, but I jutht couldn't let her go." He laughed bitterly. "My apartment thtill thmellth like her. I have pictureth of her, of uth, everywhere. I couldn't bear to move anything that belonged to her. I thought that thomehow, if I pretended hard enough that she wath thtill alive, maybe she'd come walking in. Like nothing had happened. But of courthe, she didn't."

"Didn't anyone help you through it?"

"No. All of my friendth didn't know what to do. They all thort of dethided the best plan wath to let me have thome time alone."

"Any family members?"

Sollux shook his head. "I have no family. My brother ith... thort of broken, I thuppothe. My dad wath a thychiatritht, and wath alwayth focuthing all of hith attention on my brother. Trying to fixth him. He wanted me to become a doctor like him. But I've never been much of a people perthon. When I went to college for programming, he told me to never come back." Sollux took a deep breath. "Aradia wath my family."

Eridan shook his head, sympathy emanating from every fiber of his body. "That's horrible."

Sollux nodded mutely. "It didn't matter though. Even if anyone had wanted to help me, I couldn't bring mythelf to even leave the apartment. When I finally did I found mythelf walking to thith plathe we alwayth uthed to go. By the thea." His voice was cut off by tears. Eridan sat silently, sharing his sorrow. "I thtood there, on the cliff, and then it jutht occurred to me. To jump. I didn't have anything left that mattered to me. Tho I did. I jutht wanted to be with her. Alwayth."

Eridan patted his shoulder, softly so he didn't hurt him. "Is there anythin' I can do?" Instead of answering, Sollux grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug. He could feel Sollux tense up with the pain the movement had caused, but he didn't back away. Tears soaked through the shoulder of Eridan's shirt. "I'm so sorry. It'll be ok, I promise," Eridan whispered.

After what seemed like an eternity, Sollux's sobs became less pronounced, then faded altogether. His grip on Eridan loosened. Slowly, Eridan stood up. Sollux was asleep again. Eridan grabbed the plate of pancakes and took them downstairs, quickly scraping the pancakes into the trash and rinsing the plate off before setting it in the washing machine. Then he went back up to Sollux's room and, as silently as he possibly could, he lifted the cushion of the chair and retrieved his sketchbook and pencil. By some miracle, the tip hadn't broken. Then he sat, opened to the sketch he had started last night, and lost himself in the careful art of capturing and confining the complexity of life onto the page.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sollux was falling, falling into a deep abyss, and he couldn't stop. He screamed, wishing that he could at least see where he was falling to. He felt so utterly helpless. He was falling faster and faster, and the sudden, terrible sound of the ocean below chilled him to his very core. He closed his eyes..._

_And suddenly he was standing on solid ground. He opened his eyes. He was on a sidewalk, staring out into the street. A girl was crossing the street towards him. She had long black hair, and was wearing a dull red dress that sparkled in the lamp post's light. She had been looking up into the sky, but as he stared in utter speechlessness, she lowered her eyes to meet his and waved exuberantly._

_"Aradia?" he whispered._

_There was a flash of light, too quick for him to follow. A scream. Tires squealing, and then the sound of a revving engine. Two red lights winked at him evilly before turning a sharp corner, disappearing from his sight. He looked out into the road. Aradia lay in the center, a pool of red slowly forming around her._

_"Aradia!" he screamed, primal instincts taking over as adrenaline coursed through him like a wildfire. He ran to her, but it was like he was running through molasses. She got farther away from him with every step. "Thtop it!" he screamed at no one. As the echoes of his outburst died, he stopped running, defeated, and she was suddenly at his feet. He knelt beside her._

_"Sollux?" she murmured quietly._

_"Oh my god, Aradia, I'm tho thorry."_

_"Don't be. It's not your fault." She coughed, and blood spluttered out of her mouth in a fine mist._

_"You're gonna be ok. Oh god, please be ok."_

_"Sollux, I'm dying."_

_"No!" His vehemence scared him, and he blinked in astonishment for a moment before continuing. "You're going to be fine. You can't die!"_

_"Everyone dies, Sollux." She smiled. "Besides, I'm already dead."_

_Reality threatened to crash over him like a treacherous wave. "Aradia, pleathe. Don't die on me. Not again."_

_"Sollux..." her breathing became labored, her smile faded. "I love you..." Her breath left her body._

_Sollux screamed, a scream so horrible that he was sure anyone who heard it would think he was dying. And somehow, on the inside, he was dead. He cradled Aradia's body close to his, didn't care that her blood was soaking into his clothes. His tears flowed into her hair. He knelt, hopeless, crying, broken, clutching the last feeble strands of his shattered existence._

_"Hey," someone said behind him. Sollux turned. Eridan stood above him, hand outstretched. "Come on, Sol."_

_"I can't leave her! You can't make me!" Sollux held Aradia closer to him, her skin now cold._

_"Yes, you can. Get up."_

_Sollux looked at Aradia. Gently, he kissed her forehead. He set her down, and tentatively reached out his hand. Eridan grabbed it, pulling him to his feet._

_"Let's go, Sol."_


	5. Chapter 5

Sollux opened his eyes. His cheeks were crusted from crying. In the few blurred moments before his tears cleared, he saw Eridan move frantically to shove something underneath the chair. Before Sollux could compose himself enough to ask about it, Eridan spoke. "Are you ok?"

"Yeth? Did thomething happen?"

"You were cryin' in your sleep."

"Oh. Thorry I thcared you." Sollux took a deep, calming breath. "It wath jutht a dream." He spoke it with an almost religious firmness, a sacred prayer mantra recited countless times on end backed by the desperate hope that it will make a difference.

Eridan didn't press the matter. "Did you get enough to eat this mornin'?" He asked nonchalantly.

Sollux mustered a smile. "You mean, am I hungry? No, I'm not."

"Well that's good. I'm not much of a cook." Eridan returned the smile.

Sollux shifted slightly in the bed. The pain, now practically an old friend, greeted him smartly. He grimaced, but it vanished much quicker than he had expected. "Did Rothe and Kanaya ever dethide whether they were going to come back?"

Eridan shook his head. "No. They called after havin' mulled over their notes and decided you were doin' fine. I told them you were healin' fast and they are really busy, anyway. They said to make sure not to feed you too much at a time and change out the bandages and stuff. Which is good." He paused. "To be honest, I was pretty worried when we found you. I thought for sure you were gonna die, and then we'd have to call the police. Can you imagine how suspicious it would look for them to come up into my room and find–" His hand whipped up to cover his mouth, eyes widening in mortification.

Sollux sat up straighter. "Thith ith your bedroom?"

Eridan cursed himself silently. "Yeah."

"Tho where have you been thleeping?!"

"In the guest bedroom." Eridan shifted uncomfortably. "I wasn't supposed to tell you. Feferi said you'd feel awkward, and..." he trailed off lamely.

"I'm tho thorry!"

Eridan sighed. "Well, you were hurt. It only made sense that we'd give you the better bed."

"Oh my god, ED, I didn't know!" Sollux felt strangely touched by this small act of kindness. Suddenly an idea popped into his head. "Let me make it up to you."

"What?"

"Jutht don't move, ED." Sollux slowly began sitting up, moving his legs toward the edge of the bed. He carefully lifted up the covers, tossing them aside.

"Sol, no! You're still hurt!"

"Shut up, ED." He pushed up with his hands, and stood up. The pain was immense, but he didn't collapse. "Thee?" he managed through clenched teeth. "I'm fine."

"Sol, you are definitely not fine. You need to lie down."

"And I will. Ath thoon ath you take me to the guetht bedroom."

"No. You have to stay here."

"I've been in your bedroom long enough. Now I'm leaving."

"I won't let you."

"Yeth, you will. Now help me out, or I'll fall over." Sollux walked toward the door, long limbs stiff from disuse. He tripped over his ungainly, aching legs and would have fallen if Eridan hadn't caught him. Sollux smiled triumphantly. "Now you've got it! The nextht thtep ith to show me to the bedroom." Eridan opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again.

"Fine."

They ventured out into the hall together, Sollux's right arm around Eridan's shoulders and Eridan's left arm supporting Sollux's back. The hallway was painted a pale blue, with pictures of Eridan and Feferi hung up sporadically along the walls. A door at the other end of the hall bore a pink, sparkly sign reading 'Feferi's room: NO ENTRY'. They went about halfway down the hall before the wall on the left opened to be a balcony overlooking a living room below. A staircase descended threateningly to the immediate left.

Sollux balked. "It'th down there, ithn't it?"

"Yep."

Sollux closed his eyes, grimacing. "I _hate_ stairs."

Eridan tried to hide his smile. "You can still back out, if you want."

"No! You have to have your bedroom back. Let'th do thith." One step at a time, the crept down the stairs. Twice, Sollux almost fell and Eridan gripped the railing for dear life while Sollux found his footing. Nearly five minutes later, they stood panting at the bottom of the stairs.

Sollux turned to Eridan, smirking. "Wath that tho bad?"

"Yes." Sollux burst into abrupt laughter, and Eridan couldn't help but join in.

"Tho where from here?" Sollux managed in between fits of laughter.

"Now we're in the home stretch. It's just through that door." Eridan motioned with his right hand toward a door on the other side of the living room.

"Well, let'th not thtand here all day." They limped across the room, avoiding easy chairs and coffee tables. Eridan kicked the door open, and the practically tripped over each other to the bed. They crashed unceremoniously onto it, breathing hard. Finally, Sollux spoke up.

"I told you we could do it."

"You weren't wrong. And I never doubted you."

"Don't lie." He cracked a smile.

They lay on the bed for a few minutes longer, a tangle of limbs, before Eridan finally sat up and extricated himself. "Well, it seems like you're functional. You know, in a limited sorta way."

"And a good thing, too. I would hate being cooped up in a wheelchair or thomething for the retht of my life."

Eridan smiled at Sollux's sprawled form. "Let me get my things outta here, and then I'll bring the chair down. Just give me two seconds." He went around the room, gathering up bits of clothing, then left.

Sollux stared at where Eridan had disappeared from view for a minute before sitting up on the bed. Something felt weird, and he couldn't quite place his finger on what it was. He took stock of his aching body, but nothing hurt any worse than it had before. It didn't quite feel like exhaustion or nausea. _Am I hungry?_ That didn't seem to be it either. So it was something internal, then. He ran through plausible emotions he could be feeling. It wasn't satisfaction, happiness, sadness, anger, guilt, or anything else that easy. It felt familiar, but something he hadn't felt for a while, and definitely not in this context.

_Don't keep me in the dark. What is it?_ The answer hit him like ten tons of brick.

Longing. He couldn't wait for Eridan to come back. No matter how quick Eridan was, he couldn't get back fast enough. Every moment alone was excruciating. Sollux felt his cheeks flush. He hadn't felt like this since...

Since the early days with Aradia. Since outings for ice cream, coffee, movies. Study groups. Before she had moved in with him, he had always felt like this. Waiting for her to come back. Because somehow, he wasn't complete on the inside without her.

And now, with no warning, the same feeling of anxiety was haunting him again.

_I can't. I can't do this. Not this soon after Aradia. It's like a betrayal._ Before he could convince himself, he heard Eridan coming back down the stairs. In a panic, Sollux tried to bury his confusion deep inside him, where Eridan would never find it. And yet, as Eridan came into view, one hand carrying a wooden chair and the other tucked behind his back, Sollux felt an overwhelming sense of relief. He couldn't stop the smile that crept across his face.

"Took you long enough."

"Sorry." He paused, uncomfortable, as he set down the chair. "I had to get this." He pulled his hand from behind his back, revealing a plain black sketchbook. The hard front cover was absolutely spotless, but the pages within were completely uneven and the poor book looked about to burst with how much paper was crammed into it.

"What ith that?"

Eridan opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. His cheeks were bright red. "Nothin'..." he muttered.

"Oh come on, ED. What ith it?"

"Well...it's my sketchbook."

"Can I thee it?" Before Eridan could answer, Sollux sat up and grabbed it from him. His movements had been slow, but Eridan made no attempt to stop him. Eridan collapsed into the chair as Sollux opened it.

"I don't thee why you're tho embarrethed by thith thtuff. It'th really good." As Sollux flipped through the pages, startlingly real flowers and landscapes jumped off the pages. After that came the pictures of people, caught up in their daily lives. A man in a dark trench coat with a cup of coffee hurrying down the street. A woman and two children entering an apartment building. A young couple meandering happily through the park.

He flipped the next page. A small cry escaped Eridan's lips halfway between a gasp and an unarticulated word. Sollux found himself drawn into the image before he could even fully comprehend what it was. All of the shading and curvature of the lines were absolutely perfect. But something was strange about it.

"ED, ith thith...me?" The picture portrayed Sollux lying in bed, his face shaped in a slight frown of defeat or perhaps discomfort. Quickly, Sollux turned to the next drawing. It was Sollux again, but this time awake and smiling. The plate of pancakes from the previous morning was on his lap, and he seemed animated, his mouth slightly open as if he were just about to say something. As Sollux flipped through more of the sketchbook, he saw drawing after drawing of himself. At last, he closed the sketchbook.

Sollux remembered a clumsy movement he had half-seen this morning of Eridan shoving something under the chair. "Ith thith what you were hiding from me thith morning?" Eridan's cheeks flushed anew, and he nodded.

Sollux handed the sketchbook back. "You shouldn't feel ashamed of thith. It'th really good."

Eridan stared in awe at the sketchbook. "That's it? You're not...mad?"

Sollux smiled. "No. Why should I be? Don't anthwer that." Eridan looked at him timidly, then returned the smile. "That can't have been the only thing that took you forever up there. What else did you do, repaint?"

Eridan seemed at ease once more. "I got distracted reorganizin' my things. Fef must have moved everythin' when she was cleanin' up for you."

"I know what you mean. When Ara..." he stopped and took a deep breath, "when Aradia uthed to clean up, it would alwayth drive me inthane." Sollux waited for the tears to come, but they never did. There was still sadness accompanying the words, but no actual tears. The realization shocked him. _What is wrong with me?_ he screamed silently at himself.

Eridan was saying something, but he couldn't hear what it was. There was a roaring in his ears. Shame and horror at his own lack of caring absorbed him. _How can I be forgetting how much she meant to me so quickly? Can five years be erased in just a week and a half?_ He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Sol?" That one syllable was enough. Tears coursed down Sollux's face yet again. "Oh my god, Sol, did I say somethin' wrong?"

"No. No, of courthe not," Sollux found himself saying. He felt detached from the world, like none of this was really happening. "It'th Aradia. I didn't cry when I thought of her. It'th only been a week and a half, and I'm already lothing our five yearth. I'm a monthter." He turned away from Eridan.

"You're not a monster, Sol. You're anythin' but a monster." Eridan paused, finding the words he needed to say what he wanted to say. "I know what it's like, losin' someone important to you. I know how lost you feel right now. And I know this part of it, too. Feeling yourself gettin' over it, and somehow thinkin' that's not right. But it is. You can't let your life be ruled by a dead person, Sol. You have to mourn for her and respect her for when she was alive, but now that she's gone, you have to move on. You have to find somethin' else to live for." By this point, Eridan was crying, too. "I know you loved her. She must have been the world to you. And you must have meant the world to her, too. So she wouldn't want you to be like this. She'd want you to be happy. Wouldn't she? She'd want you to find someone else to be with, and to get on with your life.

"I think you've mourned for her enough. Hell, you even tried to kill yourself for her. You've been to the depths of sadness, and now you need to find someone that will help you get out of the pit. And I know you won't like it. She was everything to you, but you know that she'd hate to see you spiraling in like this. She'd want you to get back up and running. And that doesn't mean you have to forget about her. But–" Eridan stopped, his own voice now choked with tears.

Sollux turned to stare at Eridan. "Why are you doing thith for me? You don't even know me. I'm jutht thome random kid you found in the ocean. What am I to you?"

Eridan didn't answer. With no warning, the dream Sollux had had flashed into his mind. Finding Aradia, and then Eridan helping him to his feet, leading him away from her. And he made a decision.

"ED," he whispered, unable to make his voice come out any louder.

"Yeah, Sol?"

"I think it'th you. That person you're talking about that'th gonna get me outta thith pit. It'th you." A warmth slowly spread through Sollux, and he knew he was right. "And..."

Eridan leaned closer to hear. "What, Sol?"

Words couldn't help him. Sollux grabbed Eridan's arm, gently pulling him out of the chair, and seating him on the bed. Then, tentatively, he pulled Eridan closer and pressed his lips to Eridan's. He felt Eridan tense up in surprise, and Sollux pulled back. Eridan stared at him, shocked.

"I'm thorry," Sollux began immediately. "I don't know what came over me, that wath highly uncalled for and I'm–"

"Don't be," Eridan interrupted.

"Then...?" Sollux didn't dare to finish his sentence.

Eridan smiled awkwardly. "Why else do you think I drew you so many times?" He pulled Sollux closer, causing their lips to touch once more. Eridan's lips were soft, and moved easily with Sollux's. Sollux shifted his hands from where they had been supporting him on the bed, allowing them to fall naturally around Eridan's thin frame. One of Eridan's hands crept up his back, finding Sollux's hair and tangling itself in it.

Too soon, Eridan pulled away. Sollux looked into his eyes, a smile playing across his tear-streaked features. "Thank you," he whispered. He pulled Eridan into a hug.

"You're welcome," Eridan murmured into his ear. They sat like that, enjoying the bliss of knowing the other one was there, for an indeterminate, perfect amount of time. Sollux's tears turned from ones of sadness to ones of joy, and Eridan never pulled away from him as the tears soaked his shoulder.

From somewhere else in the house, a door slammed. "I'm back!" Feferi called out enthusiastically. Sollux began to pull away from Eridan, but Eridan stopped him.

"There's nothin' to be afraid of. You just keep cryin' for as long as you need to. Don't mind her." Sollux smiled through his tears, offering wordless gratitude.

"Everything was going fine at work, so I decided to come home early," Feferi continued outside. Sollux heard her head up the stairs. Despite his tears, Sollux giggled.

"She thtill thinkth we're upthtairth."

"Well, she's in for a surprise, then."

They heard Feferi stop in the hallway above them. "Eridan? Sollux?" she called out, confused. "Where are you?"

"We're down here," Sollux called out hoarsely amid his tears.

"Oh my god." She sounded horrified. She thundered down the stairs, and burst into the room. She saw Sollux, tears streaking down his face. "Eridan, what did you_ do_ to him?!"

"Fef–"

"Eridan Ampora, did you make him walk down the stairs?" Feferi's voice was strained with rage. "I told you not to move him! You could have killed him! _Don't you make excuses for yourself!_ Look at him! He's in _tears!_ Get away from him! What did you _do?!_"

"Sis, calm d–"

"Feferi, I can exthplain." Feferi and Eridan both turned to Sollux, identical shock painting their features. Sollux took a deep breath, wiping the tears from his eyes, and stood up.

"Firtht of all, it wath my idea to come downthtairth. I found out it wath Eridan'th room, tho I figured I thould give it back. Thecondly, I'm only crying becauthe he wath helping me get over Aradia, my old girlfriend. She'th the reathon I jumped. You know, off the cliff. She'th dead."

Feferi looked dumbfounded. "Sollux, I'm sorry, I didn't–"

"I'm not done," Sollux cut her off. "Thirdly, and motht importantly..." He paused, and looked at Eridan. "I think I'm in love with your brother."

Eridan flushed bright red. Sollux turned to him, concern in his eyes. A silent conversation passed between them.

_I didn't mean to assume..._

_You haven't assumed anything._

_Then you're ok with it?_

_Of course._

_I love you, ED._

_I love you too, Sol._

Eridan reached out his hand, grabbing Sollux's and intertwining their fingers. Feferi stared at Sollux, then Eridan, and then their clasped hands. She seemed lost for words. Eridan and Sollux exchanged a mirthful glance before erupting into a fit of laughter. Feferi blushed profusely at her own imperceptiveness. Eridan and Sollux seemed to move as one as they stepped forward and enveloped Feferi in a hug. Sollux's pain flared up again, but it didn't matter. Here, in this moment, he was happy.

At last, Feferi couldn't help but join in their laughter. She pulled out of their hug, smiling. "I'm happy for you two," she said, the earnesty blatant on her face. "Oh! Are you hungry?" she checked her watch. "It's almost lunchtime...hmm...I'll see what I can whip up!" she called over her shoulder as she turned and walked away. Eridan and Sollux could only stare at each other in mirthful confusion. "Girlth..." Sollux muttered.

Eridan nodded. "Girls," he said simply.


	6. Chapter 6

In the following weeks, Eridan rarely ever left Sollux's side. The house often rang with their mingled laughter as they grew more at ease with each other. For Sollux, every moment with Eridan was another where he wasn't in pain, where he could feel like there was something more to life than mourning. For Eridan, it was a chance to feel natural, accepted, by someone outside his own family for the first time in his life. Together, they struggled on through Sollux's grueling recovery. Eridan helped Sollux in every way possible, never leaving him when he had sudden flashes of depression or relapses into memory and helping to retrain his stiff and bady bruised muscles to function. Feferi would often laugh at the two of them as they stumbled first through the living room, and then up and down the stairs as Sollux grew stronger. And with every second, minute, hour, day that went by, the two boys grew closer and closer.

At last came the day. Eridan was sitting across from Sollux in the living room, two identical mugs of coffee steaming, forgotten, on the tables next to them. They had just completed another test-walk. Sollux had managed to maneuver through the entirety of the house and then around the block without ever stumbling or leaning on Eridan. After the excitement faded and Feferi had stopped bubbling exuberantly and gone off to find something at the store worthy of a celebration dinner that night, Eridan sighed. Sollux looked impishly at him, but Eridan's face was filled with dismay. At Sollux inquisitive gaze, he turned away, eyes trained on the floor.

"What'th wrong?"

Eridan swallowed and turned to face Sollux. "Well..." He coughed, losing his confidence.

"What ith it, ED?"

Eridan paused. "You're healin'. No, you're healed. So...you'll be able to go home."

Sollux froze. "Oh. Oh, yeah, I gueth tho..." Regret blatantly tainted his words and his features. "I wouldn't want to burden you any longer than I have to." He smiled weakly.

Eridan nodded. His face was unreadable, but his breathing was irregular.

Sollux forced himself to continue. "I gueth...Feferi took the car?"

Eridan finally managed to respond. "I've got a car, too."

"Oh..." Sollux took a deep breath. "Do you think you could...?"

"Drive you over there?" Eridan finished, defeated. "Yeah." He leaned forward, pushing himself up.

"No, wait!" Sollux cried desperately. "I...I can wait until after dinner, can't I?"

Eridan nodded mechanically, his mind clearly elsewhere as he settled into the chair again. "Sol..." he whispered.

"What, ED?"

Eridan paused, then shook his head. "Nothin'." The sound of a car outside alerted them that Feferi had returned. The engine sounds cut out, and a few moments later Feferi came in, arms waited down by plastic shopping bags.

"Have you two even moved?" she accused, grinning. Before either of them could answer she flounced into the kitchen.

Dinner that night was awkward, although Feferi hardly noticed. She smiled and talked of every little thing, her job and the food and how happy she was for Sollux. Sollux smiled and nodded as she spoke, but his mind was on Eridan. Across the table, Eridan was holding up admirably, poking weakly at his food and occasionally managing to eat some of it.

_What will I do without him?_ Sollux mind questioned.

_Oh, come on. It's not like we'll never see each other again,_ the other part snapped.

_You know that's not what I meant. What will you do when he's no longer only a few feet away? When he's miles and miles away every day and you are still not recovered enough to drive? When you don't see him sitting in that chair with his sketchbook every night as you fall asleep?_

_Shut up. I can...I can handle it. I don't want to bother them, and besides they probably want their house back. I'm just taking up space._

Too soon, Eridan was getting up and grabbing a set of keys from the counter. Feferi looked at him quizzically. "What'cha doin'?"

Eridan turned to her, face calm and composed. Sollux wondered if she could see the tears hidden just beneath the surface like he could. "Sollux is...well, recovered. So he doesn't need to be here anymore."

Feferi physically fell farther into her chair. "Oh. _Oh_." Tears brimmed in her eyes. "Well...I suppose you're right." She turned to Sollux, trying to remain upbeat. "You're probably excited to be back where you know, huh? Somewhere familiar...excuse me." She stood, the chair falling over behind her as she walked just a little too quickly out of the room. Upstairs, a door slammed.

Sollux slowly stood. "We should go."

Eridan nodded. "I guess we should."

The ride was silent, awkward. The ominous quiet was broken only as Sollux gave directions to the apartment. The street life outside rushed by, and Sollux paid it no mind. He was consumed by how lonely his life would be without Eridan. He found himself saying, "Thith ith it." Three traitorous words that made him wish he had lied, said he couldn't remember the way back.

With a shaking hand, Sollux unlocked the door to the apartment. Robotically, he stepped inside. Eridan followed. The small apartment was cold. It felt empty, as if no one had ever lived here. As if nothing happy had ever happened here or would ever happen here again.

"I'd better go," Eridan whispered behind him.

His mind screamed at him._ If you don't stop him now, you will never have a chance._ Emotion overwhelmed Sollux, and he fell to the ground. Unexpected tears discovered themselves and fell swiftly to the floor.

Eridan instantly found himself again, coming out of his carefully constructed shell and kneeling beside Sollux. "Sol?"

Sollux's hands reached up to cup Eridan's face. "Please don't leave..."

Eridan stared at him. "What?"

Sollux continued in a single breath. "I won't survive without you. Internally, I mean. I'll be broken and even though we'll still see each other sometimes I won't be able to handle it. Please don't leave me here alone." Eridan didn't move, and Sollux took the opportunity to move one hand behind Eridan's head. "Please..." Sollux drew Eridan toward him, and Eridan did nothing to stop him as Sollux kissed him. It began gently, but an increasing sense of urgency gripped Sollux. _I have to make him know how much he means to me_. Carefully he forced Eridan's lips open with his own. Eridan leaned back, and Sollux obligingly pressed forward until they lay on the floor. Sollux didn't relent, kissing him all the more fiercely. Eridan's arms encircled him, pulling him impossibly closer, one hand on the back of Sollux's head. They lay for what seemed like forever, each only hoping that the moment would never end.

At last, however, as all things must, it did. Eridan pulled back, and Sollux buried his face in Eridan's chest, curling himself up into a ball. "Please?" he whimpered again brokenly. Sollux felt Eridan's hand stroke his hair.

"I'll never leave you for as long as you want me, Sol."

"Oh, ED..." Words could not express the incredible joy that swept through Sollux.

"And I'm sure I speak for Fef too when I say that our house will always be open to you. We were both pretty lonely before you showed up, and now you're practically one of the family. So...will you come back with me?"

Sollux lifted his head to stare directly into Eridan's sea-blue eyes. They seemed impossibly deep, and in that instant he felt as though he were falling into them forever and ever, drowning in them. And for once, he didn't want to save himself from the sea.

Feferi was nowhere to be found when they entered the house. Eridan smiled and signalled for Sollux to be quiet. "Sis?" Eridan called into the house. No response. Carefully, the two boys ascended the stairs and approached the be-glittered door that was Feferi's. "Fef? Are you in there?"

He was met with furious sobs. "How could you let him leave?" she moaned. "He was the first person that was ever just my friend without there being anything in it for him. And now he's gone..." she trailed off.

Eridan replied, trying to contain his overwhelming happiness. "Well, I don't know. Maybe you should come out here, and things might get better."

"Nothing can ever get better."

"Get out here, Fef. That's an order. I won't have you mopin' around in your room all night. And besides, did it ever occur to you I might need someone to talk to? I was the one in love with him, you know." Eridan put a specifically fake look of self-pity on his face, then smirked at Sollux, who couldn't help a small giggle.

Feferi stopped crying. "Did you just giggle?" she asked, rage tinting her voice.

"No! How dare you accuse me of that?" Eridan tried to sound indignant, but ended up bursting into laughter halfway through the sentence. Feferi's door flew open.

"ERIDAN AMPORA HOW COULD YOU BE SO UN–" Feferi stopped mid-rant, eyes locked on Sollux.

"Hey, FF," he said, grinning.

"Sollux!" She practically threw herself onto him, hugging him tightly. "Never leave again! That was absolutely awful! And Eridan, get over here." Eridan obliged, and as they all embraced, Sollux knew nothing would ever be wrong with the world again. In the back of his mind, he could see Aradia smiling at him. _You made the right decision, Sollux._

_I know, Aradia. I know._


End file.
